a thought i had today... about jesus... about the birth and death of christ. Isn't it ironical how a baby ,whose birth was celebrated by many people at that time, died in a completely different way... like how he was humiliated and tortured and left for dead on the cross... and it was all for one cause, that was to prove a point, but sadly the majority of the people were against the idea and he got nailed for it...

throughout the 40 years of his life, he never gave in, and he never lost hope. he never gave up and always did the right thing... isn't that like... impossible in the world today... or even at that time... i compare my life with his and my conclusion is that i failed terribly to be like christ, to live like him as i vowed to before...

I gotta confess... i am weak. In front of many people, i potray myself as a confident and strong person who will fight for what i want, but i guess i have failed in one aspect, and that is to live a life that is worthy of respect to myself and to others. I told myself, i gotta fight it... i gotta press on because of you and you and you... i gotta refrain from all that nonsense, but once again when the pain gets too real i can't help but to find a temporary painkiller... There are demons amongst us where we dwell, even inside us, and i try so hard to rely on the angels instead, hoping that one day, maybe one day, i will be able to piece it all together, a picture that's worthy for your viewing. but it hurts so bad coz i never know when you will look at me or whether you are ever will, and sometimes it seems im fighting on for a cause that isn't even worth it. Its tiring... its like running on without knowing when it will end or where it will bring you, and i'm running out of stamina. I need a break... i need to let loose... i need you to cheer me on because im falling out soon...